2024 Highlights
2024 had some big shoes to fill, following a 2023 that was so packed with adventure and excitement. It also ended a bit differently than any other year that I can remember. More on that later. For now, how awesome was 2024 – let me count the ways:
- The year started in full swing – usually I take time to ramp into a new year and “get going again.” Not so in 2024; I really hit the ground running. I got up at 5am and went for a run before sitting down in my office to work on Monday, 1 Jan – the next day I started with a 7:30am client meeting. 2024 came in like a “business as usual” lion!
- In February I once again celebrated my birthday on a snowboard! This year we decided to check out Ski Apache in Riudoso, NM. It did not disappoint! Our trip corresponded with a massive winter storm that dumped powder on the mountain to the point that they shut down the road to the resort for most of one day. Our AirBnB was beautiful and the town is fun as well, although charging the Tesla was a bit of its own adventure.
- The week after my annual birthday snowboarding trip, I ran my first ever marathon! The El Paso Marathon was well organized and the weather was perfect. The last couple miles were torture but the finish was worth it – hard to describe how it feels to train for weeks, run for miles, and achieve something that was once impossible.
- March brought another kind of high when my Mom, Sister, and youngest Son came down to El Paso to visit. We ate at many of my favorite local restaurants, hiked around Hueco Tanks one day and up the Franklin Mountains another, played board games, jumped in the pool, and generally had a great time together.
- I shaved my head in April. I don’t know if that’s really a highlight but I think it is. I had not cut my hair since we left NYC, in fact, I hadn’t cut it the last couple years in the City either – so we’re talking something like 6 years of untamed growth. I literally felt lighter afterwards, and I like the way I look too.
- Then, in early May, I joined some of my best friends and headed out to a ranch in REDACTED for a “Grandmother and Grandfather” ceremony. Although we planned this trip almost a year in advance, I still had very little idea of what to expect until we were living it, together. Who knew that ‘a bunch of dudes crying in the desert’ could be so cathartic, so empowering. I would absolutely love to talk about this in depth with anyone who is curious about plant medicine and/or shamanic experiences, etc.
- Two weeks later it was time to head to Amsterdam for AutoCon 1 – the second conference put on by the Network Automation Forum that Scott Robohn and I started in mid-2023. The event was a wild success, with attendance sold out and lots of improvements and enhancements over AutoCon 0; including workshops, an official social event (at an amazing venue), and more. Plus, Eva and I made the most of the trip, with a private river cruise, lots of museums, and a visit to an old and dear friend.
- June brought a trip to Kansas City for NANOG 91 & MWPS 2024. Grizz, Eva, Tristan, and I staid in an amazing penthouse apartment between the two venues for less than the hotel rooms would have cost and we all had a great time. We got to present Set Your IX to FullAuto on both stages, we hosted a few meetups and dinners, including one for NA-IX and one to remember Stacy Hughes, and Eva and I again got to visit with a great friend who lives nearby.
- Later that month Eva and I headed up to Colorado to celebrate the summer solstice with a bunch of old friends and then spend a few days with my boys. We heard our friends play their album live for the first time, on the one year anniversary of it’s release. And we dropped off my youngest at the airport to fly to a volleyball nationals tournament in Dallas.
Lots of great experiences and happy memories. Let’s review the second half of the year before we draw any conclusions though:
- Networking Field Day 35 took us out to California in July. In addition to that great event with tons of great folks, we also staid through the weekend. We enjoyed some great meals and a couple runs along the Bay in San Francisco, caught up with one of our favorite couples who got to show us their new house, and even took a meeting with some folks who thought they might be interested in buying FullCtl.
- July also marked the end of one of my recent passion projects. Zoë Rose and I published the 100th and final episode of the Imposter Syndrome Network Podcast on 9 July. While I list this as a highlight, it was bitter-sweet for sure. It was so much fun working with Zoë and having these enlightening conversations with so many interesting and successful folks. And that’s the highlight – those 100 episodes are something I am proud to have been a part of, and the fact that new people keep finding them is very rewarding.
- I headed back up to Albuquerque for the second annual ABQNOG in August. I presented an updated version of my “Peering 101” talk and also got stuck at a casino (don’t ask). Oh, and I flew up and back on a commercially operated private plane, which was super cool.
- We rescued a three legged street cat and named her Sashimi, so we can call her Shimmy.
- Rounding out August we had a super cool friend visit us in El Paso, on his way with some others from New Orleans to Burning Man. We sat by the pool and ate and drank and then sent them on their merry way.
- Eva’s birthday celebration was tame in 2024 compared to the 3-week long bacchanalia we hosted for her 40th in 2023. It was still a great time! We rented a private room in one of El Paso’s hippest hotels and partied all night. Well, everyone else did – I headed home to take care of the cats so that Eva could enjoy.
- After running the marathon back in Feb, I knew that I wanted a new goal to keep me running and I debated going faster or going further. Going further won pretty easily and so I spent the late summer training for my first ultra marathon. On 12 October I finished the Cactus to Cloud Sky Race 50km Sky Run in about 8 hours and 35 minutes, placing 16th out of 40 overall. That’s over 31 miles, over 8,000 feet of elevation gain, and one hell of an achievement!
- After the race, I spent some time building a 12′ tall cat tree for our two fur-balls. I consider it an interactive sculpture. It’s built into a corner in our living room and Shimmy loves climbing up to the top and hanging out watching us from near the ceiling.
- Towards the very end of October I stepped down as CEO of FullCtl. This is another mixed-bag of a highlight. I still tend to view “quitting” of any kind a failure, and that is true in this case, even though I am certain it was the right choice. After three years of constantly pouring more and more time and effort into my friend’s project, we decided to let him build from the foundation I had created. The real highlight is that I chopped about 40 hours of work off of every week and am no longer stressed out all-day-every-day.
- November brought AutoCon 2, the third NAF event and the one-year anniversary of our first event. What an amazing milestone. Leading up to AC0, Scott and I had no idea if a network automation specific event targeted at practitioners could work at all. At AC1 we sold out sponsorships months before the event, sold out conference registration weeks before, expanded to 16 workshops, and completely shifted to dealing with the challenges of success. Wow.
- I extended my trip to Colorado for an extra week to spend Thanksgiving with my family. We played games, watched movies, ate too much food, and laughed together for hours.
- Six or seven years ago, when Bitcoin had its first big “resurgence” and got the general public talking about it, I ran the numbers, and my conclusion was that it would have to either fail completely, or eventually be worth at least $100,000 each. In December 2024 that thesis paid off when Bitcoin broke over the $100k threshold for the first time.
- The final highlight of the year was once again being able to (almost completely) take the last two weeks of the year off to do (almost) nothing.
It’s really hard to complain about a year like that! Nothing can be all roses and lavender though, let’s take a look at the other side of that beautiful coin…
2024 Lowlights
What didn’t go to plan, what negative surprises did I face?
- In context and now looking back it wasn’t really a big deal, but pulling my quad while training for that 50K ultra marathon sucked. First, it was scary – I realized that I was injured while in the middle of a long run out in the desert and had a long walk home to worry about all of the possible implications. Luckily it was a small tear and I “only” had to lay on the couch for two weeks before getting back to training. Sitting still with a race coming up was hard, and I still think that with those “extra” two weeks of prep, I may have been able to run it in under 8 hours.
- Part of that hindsight comes from the fact that I had to pretty much stop running after the 50K. I had this grand plan, and the 50K was just step one. Then I was going to run the Ace of Races marathon, and then the Franklin Mountains 50 miler, closing out the series with a redux at the El Paso Marathon. All of that fell apart really quickly. As soon as I started training again after the 50K I started having knee pain. At first I thought “wow, running on pavement hurts” and then I came to realize it was more than that. After going out for a 16 mile run and having to stop at mile 14 because the pain was too great to go on, I took a few weeks off running, hoping it would be “better” after Thanksgiving. It was not. The pain continued, so I set up an appointment with a sports medicine doctor – but I couldn’t get in until mid-January. As I write this, things are much better. I know what’s wrong and what I need to do to correct it to keep running, and I should be outside running again as early as next week. But not running consistently for the past 3 months has been a major bummer.
- As I mentioned above, deciding to end the ISNP after 100 episodes was tough. It was such a fun project. I am comforted however that those episodes remain. Folks are continuing to download them every week, even now, months after we stopped releasing new content.
- I also mentioned that stepping away from the day to day at FullCtl was tough. While I did more there than I ever planned to, it’s not quite what I would call “done.” And leaving something unfinished weighs on me. I have full faith that Grizz will see it through, and it was really always his project anyway. Still, after dedicating more and more of my time, my effort, and my thoughts to this project over the past three years it became a part of me; so, I miss it. Even while I trust that it will grow and mature without my daily interventions. How would Sisyphus feel if suddenly he had no stone to push back upon him?
The combination of having less work to do and not being able to run has actually been both a form of torture as well as a blessing in disguise.
Saying Goodbye to Anxiety?
One of the things that came out of recording 100 episodes of the Impostor Syndrome Network Podcast (and the related research and self-reflection) was the realization that I was largely fueled by anxiety. Of course, it’s bigger than the podcast.
I had had this huge re-realization coming into 2024 “that I must take full accountability and complete responsibility to create the future I want while thoroughly enjoying the process of doing so. It is my job to make the things I want to happen, happen. And it is also my job to ensure that actually making those things happen is fun – for me and for everyone around me.”
And while I felt that I had known all of that for a long time, acting on it in 2024 brought new insight, and new conflict.
The anxiety realization was multiplicitous. Part of it was a life-hack. There is this Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where Hobbes asks Calvin if he’s written his story yet. Calvin responds that he is waiting for inspiration and that creativity requires the right mood. When Hobbes inquires about that mood, Calvin declares that he does his best work during last minute panic. I realized the truth of that early on and have used deadlines to spur myself to action ever since. I essentially trap myself into doing the things I think I should do.
The downside of that is that I’ve essentially created constant anxiety in my life in order to push myself to higher levels of productivity. I’m not only doing this consciously though, my subconscious was in on the game even earlier and plays it in more pernicious ways. One of them is commonly called “being a people pleaser.” Don’t get me wrong, a lot of good has come and continues to come from my desire to help others. I’ve also subjected myself to a lot of (unnecessary) anxiety in the process.
I constantly worried about how I might be perceived, or that I might be misunderstood, or worse – unappreciated. In other words I was constantly showing off, driven by anxiety over other people’s (unknowable) opinions of me. My people pleasing also negatively manifested as an inability to say no, which lead to constantly taking on more than I should have, and often taking on things that I didn’t really want to do or was ill-suited for. I guess that’s another way to show off.
I also worried about myself and my family and our future. Another thing I was privileged enough to learn early is that we only have so much time in this life. In this context, what that meant is that for most of my life I have been anxious about wasting a single minute. You only get so many, and if you waste them you won’t achieve your goals. Again, this is true and can be positive. And it can be a massive source of anxiety (“I’m not doing enough, I’m lazy, I need to work harder/faster/better”) and even anger (“don’t you dare waste my time”).
Then, as I focused on happiness for me and those around me in 2024 I even had anxiety about my anxiety. Well, that had happened before, but this was new: I got scared that I couldn’t be happy because if I got rid of the anxiety, I would lose all motivation. I was worried that anxiety was my only fuel. What if I turn myself into a happy bum???
The Grandmother and Grandfather ceremony in May was a turning point. Specifically a moment that happened during our second night of Ayahuasca. I had already gone through quite a journey at this point and was taking a bit of a break from myself, standing up, dancing, and this feeling washed over me. I am good enough. Even now, these 8 months later, my eyes well up and my body tingles when I write those words: I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I cannot remember feeling that truth ever before. And I certainly cannot explain what it means to believe that about yourself when you never have – or have not for a very long time.
What’s funny is that I thought of myself as a confident person. And then in realizing the truth of it, I also realized I hadn’t actually believed in myself before. Sure, I was confident in my abilities, maybe even some of my inherent traits. What I had not truly recognized was my essential right to exist. I am good enough, as I am, with no caveats, and its not just a string of words – it is a fundamental fucking truth. It’s a gift I wish I could give to everyone. I hope it’s something you already truly believe about yourself – you are good enough.
For me it coupled nicely with a realization I had had the night before when I found myself laughing about the idea of trying to impress others. I chuckled at myself and asked “who are you trying to impress” while realizing that the people who care about you don’t need to be impressed and the people who don’t will never be – we are all in our own worlds and we mostly fail to notice each other. No one actually cares. And that is freeing for someone like me.
As Hunter S. Thompson said, “I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.” The plant medicine experience was only one part of this journey and I’m sure others can have similar breakthroughs with therapy or other means. I’m also sure that these realizations would not have happened if I had not already been doing the work, reading, researching, talking to others, digging into myself, and being open to what I find.
And continuing that work, in the days, weeks, and months since then. In fact, it has only really recently crystallized in a new way. As I’ve allowed myself to have some down time and not be working 10-12 hour days, six or seven days a week, I’ve realized that I am now much more able to focus on the things I want to do, rather than the things I think others think I should do. And more importantly, I’ve realized that I don’t have to be in a constant hurry. I can slow down. I can take a break. And I can truly enjoy the process.
The upshot? I ended 2024 with way less stress than I started it with and essentially zero existential dread. Anxiety doesn’t seem to be the kind of thing that will ever “go away.” Just like fear and anger and love and joy are always only a heartbeat away. I can confidently say that my relationship with my anxiety is much improved, and that I’ve taken the wheel myself, rather than (ever) letting anxiety drive. I can also say that I now try to avoid feeling last minute panic, rather than trying to force it upon myself.
Words
Alright, we can all now agree that I completely failed to keep this post short and sweet. Hopefully you’ve at least enjoyed the ride. Now it’s time to review more specifically how my intentions played out in 2024. Starting here with a (quick I promise) review of my three words and then diving into specific measures below.
Control
I chose “control” as a way to remind myself of how limited my control is and also how important it is to exercise what little control I do possess. And I think this plays out in the narrative above. While I cannot ever rid myself of anxiety, worry, or stress, I can keep them from controlling my moods and behaviors.
Our control is essentially limited to the space between our internal biological reactions and our external physical reactions. We cannot control what nature does nor what other people do. We can’t even control our natural and visceral reactions to what they do. Emotions are biological truths and outside of our control. What we can control is what we actually do next – but only if we are present enough and mindful enough to act in that fraction of time before those emotions produce a semi-automatic response.
I feel I did a great job in 2024, controlling my reactions to my emotions and also controlling the focus and quality of my thoughts. I also used my preparation, planning, and reflection skills to control (manage) some really great projects. And I feel I did a great job controlling the alignment between my heart and my mind in order to give myself permission to be myself while also allowing others to be different.
Communication
I chose “communication” largely as the opposite of ‘expectation.’ This lead me to listen better, to ask more questions, to leave less assumptions untested, and to generally collaborate better.
I focused my own communication on three pillars: Clarity, Repetition, and Embodiment. I also coached those around me to do the same. We reach clarity by thinking through the message and how to best share (demonstrate) it with (to) the intended audience. Repetition is a reminder that you probably haven’t told them enough; we all have a lot going on and anything important is worth saying thrice. We embodied communication by building the clarity into the system itself whenever possible, this was mainly focused on standardizing processes and maintaining good documentation for me and my teams in 2024.
A question I tried to keep front of mind in all of my more contentious communication was: “Do they not understand, or do they just disagree?” I find that I tend to assume that folks who disagree with me don’t understand what I am trying to say. By paying more attention to the real cause of any disagreement, I am now able solve the real issue – instead of just talking louder.
Curiosity
I chose “curiosity” as a reminder of why I work, what makes all of this worth it in the moment: The joy of uncovering some new truth, or trick. The fun of learning. The immense pleasure of figuring it out.
This focus on curiosity led me to many revelations in 2024. And it kept things fun. By the end of the year I traded the stress of doing what I thought would please others for the joy of pursuing my own passions in my own way.
I think I am now closer than ever to following Richard Feynman‘s advice to “study hard what interests [me] the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible.”
As is always the case, I have lots of room to grow in all three of these areas. So much so that a part of me wants to repeat all three of these as my words again for 2025. I won’t be doing that but I will be continuing to leverage the lessons I learned through the perspective and focus they provided to me in what was another transformative year.
2024 Goals
Ok, by the numbers, how did I do?
Personal Goals
- Run over 2,000 km in distance and at least 20,000 meters vertical
- I got in 1,611 km and 24,443 meters (both increases over 2023)
- Read at least 50 books, including at least 24 physical books
- I completed 26 books, with only 5 being physical copies – in my defense, I read almost exclusively philosophy, with many audible versions over 30 hours long!
- Meditate every day
- Taking time to sit with myself every single day still eludes me, I did it on over 200 days though
- Publish at least 100 works (blogs, podcasts, papers, webinars, etc)
- My count here is 61, not too shabby considering everything that was going on
- Write at least 6 new chapters for my “Credo” book as blog posts
- I totally failed here again, that makes two years with no progress, something to ponder
- Start and execute a monthly column or newsletter
- This was another casualty of a very busy year, I failed to make it happen
- Build at least 2 3,000+ piece “puzzles”
- I built one! A 1:8 scale Honnikan Mustang. I also completed some smaller puzzles
- Reflect in my gratitude journal every day
- 287 same-day entries means I missed the goal, but landed nicely among the stars
Project Goals
- FullCtl: Have our first truly profitable year. This means my partner and I must pay ourselves a reasonable wage for the work we put into the company, in addition to paying everyone else.
- Depending on how you define “reasonable,” we succeeded!
- NAF: Successfully hold AutoCon 1 in Europe in May and AutoCon 2 in the US in November
- No matter how you measure it, both events (and the organization itself) were a huge success!
- ISN: Figure out next steps… (aka TBD)
- As noted, we decided to end the project with 100 episodes, and I am super proud of it!
Financial Goals
- Collect at least $X in gross profit (this year it’s just enough to cover lifestyle plus moderate savings)
- Just barely made our nut. Barely means success.
- Invest $Y in retirement brokerage accounts (keep this going, while focusing more on building businesses for the future)
- We hit our retirement savings goal by the skin of our teeth. Another win.
- Maintain $Z in “cash” savings (a lower bar during this year of establishing new projects; as long as we don’t dip further into savings, we win)
- We actually wiped out our entire cash savings but were able to rebuild it at the tail end of the year. Hat trick.
Joy In The Pursuit
My biggest takeaway from 2024 is the one I set out to find: Joy in the pursuit. I ended the year that was in a much better place than I ended the one before, and I have more hope than ever for the future – not because I will get what I want, or even be who I want, but because I will enjoy trying.
I hope you do to. Cheers.
