But when I read back over my journal entries, especially those of the last six months or so, I found a fairly pervasive and dark cloud resting there. Some days I was writing from what appeared to be the depths of despair. Fear, uncertainty, and doubt manifested as stress, anxiety, and frustration.<\/p>\n
So, what gives? How could one of the best years of my life have felt so hard? And more importantly, how do I fix it?<\/p>\n
My Realization<\/h2>\n
As I noted in my reflection, some of this boils down to my age old weakness; patience. But I think it\u2019s more nuanced than that. At the same time more obvious and more profound. I forgot to enjoy the journey.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a bunch of quotes and cliche\u2019s that apply here\u2026<\/p>\n
- \n
- \u201cIt\u2019s the not the Destination, It’s the journey.\u201d ~Ralph Waldo Emerson (also Aerosmith<\/a>)<\/li>\n
- \u201cThe journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.\u201d ~Lao Tzu<\/li>\n
- \u201cRealize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life.\u201d ~Eckhart Tolle<\/li>\n
- \u201cJoy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.\u201d ~Greg Anderson<\/li>\n
- \u201c…the best preparation for the future is to live as if there was none.\u201d ~Albert Einstein<\/li>\n
- \u201cEvery day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.\u201d ~Matsuo Basho<\/li>\n
- \u201cThe purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.\u201d ~Eleanor Roosevelt<\/li>\n
- \u201cHappiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.\u201d ~Walt Whitman<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
And finally, one that cuts closest to my realization of my own mistake:<\/p>\n
\u201cI, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.\u201d
\n~Groucho Marx<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\u201cYeah, I\u2019ve heard all that before, Chris, but what are you trying to say?\u201d<\/em> I\u2019m so glad you asked\u2026<\/p>\n
Questing, for Happiness<\/h3>\n
The comma matters. I\u2019m not looking for happiness. I\u2019m happy because I\u2019m looking. This is something I know, that I somehow forgot. We don\u2019t set goals because we need to achieve them. We set goals to provide guidance and structure to our quest.<\/p>\n
My uncle, the one who shuffled off this mortal coil last year, he once told me that he was enlightened. While I didn\u2019t challenge him on this point, in my mind I rejected it. It didn\u2019t \u201cfeel\u201d right. I think I know why that is. It\u2019s not that he wasn\u2019t wise or caring. It actually had nothing to do with him specifically. The reason I rejected the statement is because I don\u2019t believe it is one that can ever be true, no matter who utters it.<\/p>\n
Once upon a time, when I was a child, I believed that if a living person ever truly became enlightened \u2013 if someone really figured it all out and understood it all \u2013 they would cease to exist. Rather, they would transcend to another plane of existence. Since then my views of the universe and of this life have expanded and matured. Today I know that there are various levels of enlightenment, and that many (if not all) are available to us right here on Earth.<\/p>\n
More importantly, I know that enlightenment<\/a> isn\u2019t a state we can enter and then passively reside within. Enlightenment of any kind is fleeting, and requires constant effort to maintain, let alone to expand. Too philosophical? Let\u2019s get more pragmatic.<\/p>\n
Being kind once doesn\u2019t make you a kind person. Being happy once doesn\u2019t make for you a happy life. Just like eating a single meal can\u2019t satiate you forever, all positive realization requires repetition. Zig Ziglar said that \u201cPeople often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.\u201d<\/p>\n
Progress is what matters. Learning. Questing, for happiness\u2019 sake. Every damn day, forever.<\/p>\n
Taking Accountability, and Responsibility<\/h3>\n
Beyond remembering to keep smelling the roses \u2013 reveling in their scent \u2013 I\u2019ve realized that I abdicated my duty to myself somewhere over the past 12 months.<\/p>\n
I think I know how it happened. There are some factors here around shifting from consulting to more true or complete entrepreneurship<\/a>. And some others relating to allowing the way that projects start to frame or anchor my perception of how they go. But honestly, reasons and excuses are too similar for me to ruminate here long.<\/p>\n
Instead, I\u2019d like to expose more directly the mistakes that I made:<\/p>\n
- \n
- Instead of seeing my work as an opportunity, or a collection of opportunities, I got sucked into seeing much of my work as an obligation.<\/li>\n
- Worse than that, I got hung up on outcomes. I created these ideas in my head. These visions of what the end results would be. And then I immediately started waiting, impatiently, for them to become reality.<\/li>\n
- The most pernicious mistake was a combination of those two; I started expecting things to happen (and being frustrated when they didn\u2019t) rather than figuring out how to make them happen (which, ironically, is the part I actually enjoy).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The Lesson, Realized<\/h3>\n
My realization, then, is that I must take full accountability and complete responsibility to create the future I want while thoroughly enjoying the process of doing so. It is my job to make the things I want to happen, happen. And it is also my job to ensure that actually making those things happen is fun \u2013 for me and for everyone around me. I knew this, I remember this, and I will act on this, consistently. Starting (again) in 2024.<\/p>\n
My Three Words: 2024 Edition<\/h2>\n
This realization has lead me to refocus on some core tenets that I had started to neglect. This year I intend to reinvigorate these principles in myself through the following three words<\/a>: Control<\/strong>, Communication<\/strong>, and Curiosity<\/strong>. Let\u2019s dig into each.<\/p>\n
Control<\/h3>\n
As I am fond of doing, this word is intentionally overloaded. For me for this year, control<\/strong> will remind me of how limited my control is and also how important it is to exercise what little control I do possess.<\/p>\n
When it comes to control, I tend to agree with the stoic perspective<\/a>. Marcus Aurelius explains that \u201cour control and power are limited to our own thoughts\u201d and that \u201cthe happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts,\u201d so you should \u201ctake control of what you think about.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe more you seek to control external events, the less control you will have over your own life\u201d Epicetus warns us. \u201cThe key to control\u201d he says, \u201cis not in controlling external events, but in controlling your own mind.\u201d And therefor, \u201cwhen you control your thoughts, you control your destiny.\u201d<\/p>\n
Seneca goes on to tell us that \u201cwe have the power to control our own lives, to determine our own happiness and success\u201d because \u201cthe things you really need are always within your control.\u201d<\/p>\n
I choose to enjoy the process this year, by taking greater responsibility for the welfare of my heart and my mind, and by taking greater accountability for the process itself.<\/p>\n
Communication<\/h3>\n
Coordination happens through communication. I\u2019ve already seen some new year posts about eliminating meetings, and eliminating email. In many ways I support the spirit. Tools and technologies can atrophy over time. They can become unnecessary crutches that hinder, rather than promote progress. Control over our time and our attention is paramount.<\/p>\n
That said, nothing works without communication. So, maybe be sure you have that solved before you start turning things off.<\/p>\n
But why did I choose this word, this year? Well, a lot of my frustration in 2023 came from expectation. And in some important ways, expectation is the opposite of communication. I\u2019ll explain. Expectation is a belief that something will happen or will be true, in the future. And just like any hope or dream, expectations don\u2019t just come true on their own. They require action to make them a reality.<\/p>\n
When we forget this, and we expect things to happen on their own, the result is often that we fail to communicate our desires. Let me rephrase. If you expect me to give you the $20 you need for lunch today, and you take that expectation as a given \u2013 as something that is simply going to happen; then you have no reason to ask me for the $20 that you need. The result? You go hungry today, and you may even wind up pissed off at me.<\/p>\n
This year I will forget expectation and focus on communication<\/strong>. I will:<\/p>\n
- \n
- Endeavor to leave no assumptions untested.<\/li>\n
- Continue to listen more often and more deeply.<\/li>\n
- Ask clarifying questions and push to understand.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
And I will think through my own message and how best to share it or demonstrate it, with a focus on clarity. When I find opposition, I will seek to determine if it\u2019s due to misunderstanding or to disagreement (and stop assuming the former).<\/p>\n
In 2024 I intend to communicate early and often. I\u2019ll remember the curse of knowledge<\/a> \u2013 that mental bias that encourages us to assume the other person already knows what we know, even when that\u2019s impossible. I\u2019m going to repeat myself, and tell my colleagues what I expect of them, and what they can expect of me, repeatedly. We\u2019re going to collectively replace expectation with communication so that we don\u2019t have to rely on our beliefs about the future \u2013 we\u2019ll know.<\/p>\n
Of course, as mentioned, I\u2019m no fan of unnecessary meetings and emails either. So, in 2024 I will work to embed communication into systems. If you and I always know where to find the information we need, we can stop interrupting each other to ask for it. Let\u2019s build reports and dashboards. Let\u2019s update our tickets and our documentation and our CRM and our project management tools, etc. I will, and if we work together, I\u2019ll be asking you to as well.<\/p>\n
Curiosity<\/h3>\n
One of my biggest takeaways from my 2023 reflection was to remember why I\u2019m doing any of this at all. Why did I go out on my own? Why did I start these projects, organizations, and companies? Why did I get into tech in the first place? The undeniable answer, for me, is curiosity<\/strong>. The joy of uncovering some new truth, or trick. The fun of learning. The immense pleasure of figuring it out.<\/p>\n
I intend to get back to that basic pleasure. To take an interest in what I am doing. Down to the nitty gritty. If it\u2019s not interesting enough to keep me fully engaged \u2013 maybe I don\u2019t need to be doing it at all. That\u2019s not an out though. One of the traps I\u2019m clawing my way out of is one of delegating the wrong things. Maybe more accurately, delegating things at the wrong time.<\/p>\n
My curiosity is my strength. It leads me to peel back the layers, to dig into the details, and ultimately to understand at a level that is beyond casual observation. And that deep understanding is what allows me to build better systems. The systems that ultimately lead to improvement, achievement, and success.<\/p>\n
In 2024 I will follow my curiosity into the depths of everything I do \u2013 even when that slows me down \u2013 and I will only delegate once my curiosity is satiated. Because only then do I know enough to delegate effectively. I must build the systems, embed the knowledge, and then turn the tools over to a capable team though effective communication. And I must do it all for fun, by controlling my thoughts about it.<\/p>\n
2024 Goals<\/h2>\n
I am driven by intensity. I\u2019m an intense person. It leads to that weakness with patience that I mentioned. It also leads me to achievement. In 2024 I will focus that intensity back to today, to now, and to the process and details of creating my dreams. I will do this by remembering control, communication, and curiosity. And while I focus on the journey, I will guide my travels with the following goals:<\/p>\n
Staying On My Game<\/h3>\n
Alignment of mind, body, heart, and soul remains my top priority. I ensure this with my 6 \u201cR\u2019s:\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n
- \n
- Run:\n
- \n
- over 2,000 km<\/li>\n
- And at least 20,000 meters vertical<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- \u00a0Read:\n
- \n
- at least 50 books<\/li>\n
- Including at least 24 physical books<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- \u00a0Rest:\n
- \n
- Meditate every day<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- \u00a0wRite:\n
- \n
- Publish at least 100 works (blogs, podcasts, papers, webinars, etc)<\/li>\n
- Write at least 6 new chapters for my \u201cCredo\u201d book as blog posts<\/li>\n
- Start and execute a monthly column or newsletter<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Relax (creatively):\n
- \n
- Build at least 2 3,000+ piece “puzzles”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- \u00a0Reflect:\n
- \n
- in my gratitude journal every day<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Advancing my Projects<\/h3>\n
I have lists of OKRs for each of these projects, in hopes of providing as much value to as many others as I can. But I\u2019ll spare you the mundane details of my efforts and here focus on the highest level objectives for the year:<\/p>\n
- \n
- FullCtl<\/a>\n
- \n
- Have our first truly profitable year. This means my partner and I must pay ourselves a reasonable wage for the work we put into the company, in addition to paying everyone else.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- NAF<\/a>\n
- \n
- Successfully hold AutoCon 1 in Europe in May<\/li>\n
- Successfully hold AutoCon 2 in the US in November<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- ISN<\/a>\n
- \n
- Figure out next steps\u2026 (aka TBD)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Remaining Solvent<\/h3>\n
With my shift in focus, from consulting to building and innovating with projects of my own creation, I need a corresponding shift in my financial goals. While the financial health priorities remain stable, the specific metrics are adjusted considerably:<\/p>\n
- \n
- Collect at least $X in gross profit (this year it\u2019s just enough to cover lifestyle plus moderate savings)<\/li>\n
- Invest $Y in retirement brokerage accounts (keep this going, while focusing more on building businesses for the future)<\/li>\n
- Maintain $Z in \u201ccash\u201d savings (a lower bar during this year of establishing new projects; as long as we don\u2019t dip further into savings, we win)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Back to Basics<\/h2>\n
For me, 2024 will be a year of fundamentals. A year for building new foundations. A year of finding joy in the journey.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d love to hear about your 2024 intentions \u2013 drop me a line wherever is most convenient for you!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
- Figure out next steps\u2026 (aka TBD)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- FullCtl<\/a>\n
- in my gratitude journal every day<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Run:\n
![\"Computer](\"https:\/\/media0.giphy.com\/media\/IoP0PvbbSWGAM\/giphy.gif\")
<\/a><\/div>\n